Last August I sat at my desk at work and went through my five year plan with my work husband. I was going to be out of the call centre we worked in, have 2 babies with my then boyfriend and if we weren’t married we were going to be engaged, I was going to have a degree and we would have bought our house. He laughed at me and said I was mental. By September I had got a new job, enrolled at The Open University on a law degree and found out I was pregnant with Freddie! I think he was right, I definitely had a screw loose!
Roll on 12 months we might not have even started saving for our house but Freddie is here, I have a ring on my finger and I am about to commence my second year of study. My five year plan basically turned into a five minute plan and I am bricking it for the next 12 months! In my infinite wisdom back in February high on pregnancy life as I sailed through the second trimester (the only weeks I remotely enjoyed being pregnant) I decided that I would make the most of being on maternity leave and do Uni full time this year and signed on the dotted line. Student loans were applied for, notebooks were bought, maternity leave was organised. And then I put it to the back of my mind. I got busy being sliced open and all the other good stuff that comes with being a new mum. (I had a caesarean by the way, I didn’t mean metaphorically.) I have been incredibly happy plodding along, wasting my days playing peekaboo and watching Geordie Shore, until now. The course material has just been released and it’s starting to dawn on me just how much work I am going to have to do. It is essentially the same as a full time job alongside being a stay at home mum. I know millions of women do this daily, running their own businesses or working from home or studying like me all while raising babies and generally kicking ass at being women, but I just don’t know if I am cut out to be one of those women. I’ve always seen myself as one or the other. A perfect stay at home mum, who bakes all day and has wonderful children and cooks tea for her man every night (calm your passions you raging feminists, don’t worry that doesn’t happen. We order takeaway at least once a week) OR a kick ass career woman, smashing that glass ceiling and being Elle Woods brought to life. I really do not know if I can manage mummying and studying. The only thing I have got going in my favour is that I am a stubborn bitch to say the least and I would rather try and fail than back down to a challenge, even a challenge I have set myself.
I should warn Liam now that until my exams in June he should not be surprised if he finds wine in my teacup and I run out to the library the minute he walks through the door. I’ll just have to keep reminding him that having a law degree under my belt will definitely help towards a better job. And a better job means more money. And more money means we might be able to spring for a bottle of wine that costs more than £5 once in a while. Hell, we might even be able to afford gin! Hashtag life goals.